You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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