Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
