Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
