remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
