you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
