you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
