The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They took my balls.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
