I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
