i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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