fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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