I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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