There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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