My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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