The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
