atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry about my life...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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