I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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