could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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