I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just tell him i said nine months
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
