Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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