You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
