I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
