you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
