that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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