I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
