So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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