i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
