I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
