i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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