Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
my poor anus
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
