What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
