Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
