Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
