just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
