I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
