No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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