I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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