Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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