I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
