remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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