I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
