It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
