you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
