So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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