Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
