McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
