It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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