Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am