i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize