You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.