why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.