Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.

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(801): If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public. http://tfl.nu/0h1o

Replies (34) Good night (8886) Bad night (937)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.

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(609): Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine. http://tfl.nu/cx6r

Replies (17) Good night (7031) Bad night (611)
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(301): View more from Maryland

just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.

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(301): just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom. http://tfl.nu/qack

Replies (30) Good night (5324) Bad night (1068)
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(217): View more from Illinois

i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick

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(217): i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick http://tfl.nu/rn55

Replies (5) Good night (5606) Bad night (978)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest

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(732): just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest http://tfl.nu/tjgh

Replies (13) Good night (4227) Bad night (876)
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(312): View more from Illinois

This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

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(312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz

Replies (28) Good night (5130) Bad night (2222)
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(720): View more from Colorado

These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.

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(720): These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo. http://tfl.nu/f63z

Replies (5) Good night (2961) Bad night (1378)
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(404): View more from Georgia

It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.

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(404): It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again. http://tfl.nu/gqov

Replies (8) Good night (1993) Bad night (936)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land

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(508): whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land http://tfl.nu/kude

Replies (7) Good night (2704) Bad night (1552)
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(425): View more from Washington

Wanna skype?

(1-425): View more from Washington

Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.

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(425): Wanna skype? (1-425): Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no. http://tfl.nu/gc87

Replies (7) Good night (2380) Bad night (848)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.

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(205): I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment. http://tfl.nu/97ug

Replies (4) Good night (1806) Bad night (503)
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(561): View more from Florida

We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.

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(561): We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave. http://tfl.nu/7zum

Replies (9) Good night (1548) Bad night (491)
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(214): View more from Texas

I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.

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(214): I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports. http://tfl.nu/apdh

Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (267)
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(312): View more from Illinois

My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.

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(312): My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him. http://tfl.nu/tfrh

Replies (7) Good night (931) Bad night (394)
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(214): View more from Texas

NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.

(469): View more from Texas

BP at your house from now on.

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(214): NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off. (469): BP at your house from now on. http://tfl.nu/i1e8

Replies (0) Good night (605) Bad night (227)

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