Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?