Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.

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  (402): I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity. http://tfl.nu/6ok4
  Replies (17) Good night (2199) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.

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  (281): Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table. http://tfl.nu/g0qe
  Replies (10) Good night (3535) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

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  (936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh
  Replies (15) Good night (6307) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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  (480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a
  Replies (38) Good night (7234) Bad night (581)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.

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  (210): this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life. http://tfl.nu/lflc
  Replies (37) Good night (4910) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..

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  (203): Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied.. http://tfl.nu/zapu
  Replies (6) Good night (3704) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?

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  (412): Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something? http://tfl.nu/z60e
  Replies (2) Good night (2372) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40

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  (213): You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40 http://tfl.nu/gfeh
  Replies (6) Good night (3859) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..

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  (340): I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting.. http://tfl.nu/wypp
  Replies (4) Good night (1946) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it

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  (484): somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it http://tfl.nu/giry
  Replies (7) Good night (721) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck

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  (717): can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck http://tfl.nu/v7jv
  Replies (4) Good night (1458) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.

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  (781): He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent. http://tfl.nu/jtvv
  Replies (4) Good night (1870) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.

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  (227): I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are. http://tfl.nu/7vs1
  Replies (4) Good night (1309) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.

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  (620): I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender. http://tfl.nu/s55r
  Replies (5) Good night (1307) Bad night (219) Order T-Shirt
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.

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  (848): We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples. (848): A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck. http://tfl.nu/35ft
  Replies (3) Good night (1185) Bad night (315)

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