areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.