Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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