i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
