i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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