But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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