I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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