In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
