I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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