I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
