from now on my penis is your penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
