Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
