Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
