so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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