Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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