So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
