Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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