the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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