it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
