Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
